Keep Myself Awake*Complete*

We come into this world naked and screaming, with no baggage, but from that moment on each event, each scar, each loss marks us irrevocably. They color our actions, judgments and weight us down to the ground when what we really want to do more than anything else is fly.

To lose those memories, those markers by which we define ourselves and chart our course would be terrifying and freeing all at once. If you could leave all that behind you might gain the freedom to be fearless, to trust, to believe, to love, to fly. You might have the courage to fearlessly reach for your heart’s desire.

Sookie’s mind was racing in circles as she ran to the cemetery and collapsed on top of Gran’s grave sobbing as though her heart would break. At first, she had no breath to speak, it was all spent in tears and panting from her run. Her running away. The sounds of the night stopped and gave her center stage as she poured her heart out in the small Bon Temps cemetery. “Gran, oh, Gran! Where are you? I need you so much right now!” Her sobs broke in again. “You…you wouldn’t understand, you would never ever do what I have done! I know that, but he was in so much pain, I did the only thing I could!”

She collapsed then, the weight of the past twenty four hours crushing her mentally and physically. “You wouldn’t understand, why I did what I did, but…you would still love me, Gran, even if you didn’t understand.” She stopped then and imagined sitting at her kitchen table telling her story, the look that would be on Gran’s face, and her tears began to slow. She sat up, still kneeling and wiped her cheeks. She hiccupped as she wiped her face with the back of her hand and the last twenty four hours began to play out in her mind.

Somewhere far away she heard herself begin to speak, and the ghosts gathered round her, unseen and unknown, to listen.

“I fell asleep last night holding the hand of a thousand year old Viking vampire who had lost his memory. I picked him up on the side of the road and brought him home. It was the right thing…the only thing I could do. He was in trouble, and you taught me to never turn away someone who was in need…”

24 hours earlier…

When she had opened her eyes she found herself no longer in her bed, but in a warehouse. Her vampire was chained to a small cot with silver and there was a woman in the room with them. She jumped up from the floor, and moved to stand in front of the woman who was staring down at Eric, smiling as he suffered under the silver. Without hesitation Sookie placed herself between the woman and Eric, trying in some way to protect him when he could not protect himself. “Who the hell are you?” she demanded of the woman staring her directly in the eye, trying to listen to her thoughts and figure out where they were, and what was happening now. The woman drew herself up to her full height, looming over Sookie, her eyebrow raised as her lips curved into a chilling smile.

“So, Viking, this is your heart’s desire?” She looked Sookie over from head to toe, judging her, comparing her, to herself evidently. Eric tried to rise under the silver, growling.

“Stay away from her, witch!” he managed to grind out and still sound intimidating despite his current position. Only Eric could threaten someone when he was down and make it sound believable, Sookie thought before focusing all of her attention on his words and the woman before her.

“Witch? What the hell? Witches are real?” The woman laughed and the hair on the back of Sookie’s neck stood on end. They were in trouble. She was in trouble. Again.

“You can call me, Hallow, human,” she said bowing mockingly to Sookie. “I am the one who took his memory.” Eric snarled again, and she heard the chains rattle and the tiny cot he was tied to shook as though it were coming apart behind her. She didn’t dare turn to look.

“Why?” she asked Hallow still trying to read her, but she was having trouble getting through her snarly thoughts. Were, her mind told her, and she redoubled her efforts to get in, to find the truth that might save them both.

“No man refuses me.” Sookie laughed, probably not the most intelligent response but she was nearly hysterical at this point, and was not thinking clearly.

“What makes you so damned special? Men refuse me all the time!” she asked still laughing. Hallow’s face constricted in rage that she turned full force at Sookie now.

“Many things make me special, but you will see that soon for yourself. You won’t be laughing then.” She turned back to Eric and her tone became colder still. “All you had to do was let me have you for a little while, what hardship would that have been for one such as you? But, no you had to humiliate me, and then you killed my emissary, which as you may have deduced from your current state, was something I anticipated.” She licked her lips then, as her eyes passed over his long frame. “Pleasuring me would have been much preferable to the silver.”

“I doubt it,” Eric responded, still sounding in control and powerful as he raked her from head to toe with his eyes, and curled his lips in contempt. Rather than pull back, Hallow moved closer still, taking his lips in a kiss that he could not avoid shackled as he was. She bit his lip and drank his blood greedily from the wound.

“MMMMMMM,” she moaned pulling back now, her eyes dilating as the ancient blood passed into her system. “The spell I cast, do you know what it did, vampire?” She was so high on his blood her words were slurring as she spoke. “It stripped you of everything but your core essence and sent you running to your heart’s desire. To the one you really wanted. To,” she turned now to look at Sookie again, “this puny human. She is what you hold above all things.” Sookie was reeling. Eric held her above all things? Since when? This bitch was crazy and there was no doubt about it now. “So, now, I am going to give you what you want, Eric. I am going to give you what you want above all things.” Again, Eric tried to rise, shaking the bed but still not managing to free himself.

“Don’t fight, Viking. Everything here is either already under my spell or will be momentarily Tonight, I will show you that she is not worthy of you, and you will destroy the thing you love the most.” She stepped back then away from the bed and away from Sookie and started to speak in a language that Sookie didn’t understand. She was now getting flashes from Hallow’s mind and had managed to figure out that she had wanted Eric, he had refused and insulted her. Now she was casting a spell that would enslave them both. The images in her mind scared and excited Sookie all at once, but they were coming too fast for her to process. She saw her and Eric locked in a passionate embrace…she saw Eric drain her, dropping her lifeless corpse on the floor before turning to Hallow and taking her into his arms.

“No!” she screamed and rushed at Hallow, not sure if she was denying the first image, the second, or the woman’s action itself, only knowing that she had to stop her from finishing that spell no matter what. Just as she reached Hallow, planning to tackle her to the ground the chanting stopped and Hallow disappeared from the room, leaving her alone with Eric.

Immediately, she turned back to Eric and began trying to removing the chains. He groaned each time she pulled, but they seemed to be attached to his flesh.

“Stop, Sookie,” he grunted after her third attempt to remove them. “She has spelled the chains. They are not going to come off.” He sounded tired and defeated now and she felt a little warmth in her heart when she realized he didn’t feel as though he had to put on a show for her. She sat back, on the floor beside him, taking his hand in hers between the chains to offer comfort or to take it, she wasn’t sure which.

“What happened after I fell asleep, Eric?” her voice barely a whisper now as she took in his beaten and bleeding form, worry for him filling her heart.

“I know not, we were there in your bed, and then we were here. You woke almost as soon as we arrived in this place.” He rolled his eyes now, to take in as much as he could of their environment. “Dawn is still a few hours away.” She nodded and squeezed his hand. He was shirtless still, and silver was burning into his chest, she was still in her pajamas she noticed as she rose to look for a way out. It didn’t take long to realize that while the warehouse was large there were no visible doors or windows. Another spell, she thought as she walked around. It’s here, I just can’t see it. Would that keep him safe if she couldn’t get them out before the sun rose? She had started back to him when the first rush of magic hit her. She gasped and stopped.

She felt the tendrils move around her body and settle between her thighs, entering her body, and suddenly, she was filled with desire. Desire for Eric. She stood still fighting it as hard as she could, not even moving, but no matter how she fought her desire grew until she could feel nothing but how much she wanted him. She was holding on managing not to move when she heard him scream. His pain jolted her into motion, freeing her senses momentarily and sending her to his side.

“W-what’s wrong, Eric?” she fell to her knees taking his hand again.

“Get away from me!” he yelled at her, trying to pull away but not able to move. His fangs were down and his eyes were wild now.

“What’s wrong? Tell me!” she shouted at him now, more scared for him than she had been for herself. Her eyes traveled his body as he growled and twisted in the silver before her and that was when she saw it. He was engorged, his jeans barely containing his arousal. Her mouth went dry, and the ache between her thighs came back with a vengeance. She wanted him, and he wanted…what?

“Get away!” he screamed again. He wanted her to get away. She released his hand, and sat back confused and aching while his screams and growls grew louder in proportion to the size of his increasing erection. It was then she realized what was happening. This was the spell the witch had cast. She had done this to them. The realization brought another wave of wracking desire coursing through her body. Knowing a thing doesn’t change it, she thought incoherently as she moved closer to him, needing to comfort him, to ease his pain, to ease her own.

“Please, Sookie,” he was begging now, blood tears in his eyes. “Please get away from me. I- I don’t want to hurt you.” He was writhing in pain now, forcing the silver deeper into his flesh in purpose, on accident she couldn’t tell, but she wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to suppress his own desire with the pain. She felt the magic, and the need to touch him, to get closer to him, course through her again, and with it came the last thing she expected, a sense of peace. She saw it then, all of it.

She saw him stake Long Shadow, looking at her in surprise and desire. She saw him patching her wounds in Dallas, and then taking a bullet for her. She saw him in Jackson as he carried her up the stairs like Rhett himself, and later when he held her and kissed her passionately, offering his blood to give her strength. Flashes of him and in all his glory in that cheap little convenience store where he entered like a king returned to proclaim her is “future lover.” She saw him running down the road, terrified, but trusting her. She saw him in her kitchen with his feet bleeding, ghosting down her hall in his tiny red underwear and she remembered how everything in her fucked up little world just righted itself when he slid into bed beside her and wrapped his large hand around her tiny one.

She saw it all, and then she knew.

She rose in her all-knowing Zen bubble and stood beside him, looking down into his tortured but still beautiful blue eyes. The ocean, she thought as she stared into them. When they locked gazes he stopped struggling against the chains and let her take him away. She leaned down and kissed his forehead softly, smoothing back his hair.

“No, you won’t, Eric. You have never hurt me, and you never will.” Her certainty became his and he was in the Zen bubble with her. He kept his gaze locked with hers as she reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, freeing him. He came then, helplessly, the magic overwhelming his control, and pushing him beyond his ability to hold his need for release. She watched his body spasm and felt her own body respond with a new flood of wetness between her thighs. It could have been the magic, but she was sure it was the sound he made as his essence burst forth that took her breath away.

He sighed then a moment of relief on his face before he hardened again, moaning in need for another release. His eyes locked on hers and she saw his cock twitch toward her, entranced she reached out and wrapped her hand around his engorged shaft. He moaned again, whispering her name between clenched teeth as he jerked in her hand, erupting again, helplessly at her touch. She leaned down, a dreamy look on her face and licked the tip of him as he hardened once again, the magic refusing to give him peace. Her lips on the head of his shaft pushed him over again, this time she opened her mouth and took him inside her, moaning her pleasure at the taste of him. He even tastes like the ocean smells, clean and so good, was her last thought before she stopped thinking and focused on making sure she got it all.

Her pleasure at tasting him like this, combined with the magic that had set her on fire pushed her over the edge now too and with nothing other than him filling her mouth, her own orgasm took her body. She moaned around him, shaking as she caressed him with her tongue. Suddenly she could not stand to be separated from him any longer. He felt her move, and watched her slowly remove her pajamas to stand naked beside him. Even in the magical haze of lust he was trapped in, her beauty left him thunderstruck, but it was the look on her face that ripped his soul out of the dark cave he had buried it in a thousand years ago. Perfect love, and perfect trust, nothing less could have lit the darkness inside him.

“Not like this, Sookie. Not because of the witch.” His tone was filled with sadness and longing that brought tears to her eyes.

“Fuck her,” Sookie whispered back, still swimming in the ocean of his eyes. The corner of his mouth came up in his trademark smartass smirk.

“No, I won’t, and I think that is how we got here in the first place,” he whispered back. She smiled now.

“Fuck her, Eric. She brought us here and created this moment yes, but she wasn’t there when you saved me in Fangtasia, or in Dallas, or in Jackson. She wasn’t on the side of that road tonight and she wasn’t in my goddamned kitchen when I cleaned your feet. She wasn’t in bed with us when I fell asleep holding your hand. She was only the catalyst, we are the reaction.” She had been moving the whole time she was speaking, slowly climbing on the bed and straddling his prostrate form. She leaned down now to kiss him, so he could feel her, taste her and taste him in her. He couldn’t have fought even if he wanted to, and he didn’t want to. He needed this too damned much!

In recompense for Hallow’s slight she pierced her tongue on his fang and fed him her blood, to heal, to love. He moaned and kissed her with all the passion that Hallow would never inspire in his long dead heart. As they kissed Sookie reached down and took him in her hand lining him up with her entrance. She pulled back from the kiss as she started to rock on him, whimpering softly as she inched his engorged flesh into her tight wet channel a little at a time. The heat and pressure made him come again, and he moaned as he spilled into her. The additional wetness helped her work him a little further, and she moaned again in pleasure as he stretched her. She opened her eyes again, and pinned him to the cot more than any silver chains ever could. “Th-This is just a-ah-about us, Eric. I know you don’t remember all the things that have passed between us, but you can feel the truth what I have said in the blood. Feel it, Eric. Feel…me.” She gasped then as she worked him in a little deeper.

As she rocked on him, working him ever deeper, he dove into the blood tie that had just gotten stronger from her bloody kissing sacrifice, and reached for the heart of her. He could feel that what she said was true, whatever had passed between them is why she was easing his pain and caring for him now, not because of the magic that had started this union. Oh, she was glorious! The deeper he went into her with the tie, the deeper she took him into her physical body and feeling of both was so overwhelming to Eric that he was glad he couldn’t move, couldn’t run, couldn’t try and take control, he could only surrender like this. That was all he wanted to do anyway. Surrender. She was coming now, still working him in and he orgasmed again as she peaked, her strangled sounds of pleasure driving him insane.

Finally, she worked her body completely around him. The sensation was too much and he roared, filling her with his seed again. She stopped a moment her eyes round in surprise and pleasure to feel him fill her completely, emptying into her, and stretching her in the most pleasurable way she could never have imagined. “N-no matter w-what comes next, we have this moment, Eric. We have now.” She emphasized that last word by squeezing him with her internal muscles as she pulled up and then came back down slowly. She came then, lost in the magic of his body inside hers. When she spoke again she was breathless, like she had run a mile, “Everything that befalls us happens in single moments, and this one is ours!” She rode him then, hard and deep, soft and low, leaning down to kiss him, her tongue tangling with his. She was so lost in the moment that she didn’t hear the chains fall to the floor and when she felt him sit up and wrap his arms around her she gasped.

Again, she saw the image in Hallow’s mind again, them in a passionate embrace, him draining her, but rather than let the fear take her, she turned back into the passion that was between them, that had always been smoldering between them, meeting him kiss for kiss as his hands moved to her hips. He was thrusting up into her now, hitting the most delicious spots, making her muscles turn to rubber as she felt weak in his embrace, sure that only his hardness inside held her up.

She felt him move to her neck and she turned her head, offering him what he needed to heal, to be whole again from the silver. In the tie he felt her, and there was only perfect love and perfect trust. He shivered, and licked her neck, pushing deeper between her thighs as his fangs pierced her skin and the first swallow of her washed over his tongue. She moaned in his ear and he felt her come hard around him. He wanted this moment to last forever because while he had nothing to compare it to, he knew that he had never had a moment like this before, but the blood, the love, the trust, the safety and warmth of her body and her heart pulled him over the edge right behind her. He thrust as deep as he could and then let go, in the circle of her arms, in the heat of her body.

When he let go, both spells broke, it all came rushing back. A millennia of memories of survival. A clear picture of who Eric Northman was, is and would be for as long as he walked this earth. A clear picture of the woman in his arms, her face challenging him, covered in cuts and dirt and blood. The feel of her as he pressed himself into her on the hood of his Corvette . The sounds she made when she came apart in his arms in Jackson, the way she had opened her home to him when he was lost, the way she had offered her life to him tonight. He knew who he was and who she was, and he knew beyond a doubt that they would never be who they could be, should be, if they were not together.

I love her, he thought, and right behind that, how the fuck did that happen? She felt him pull back from her emotionally, though how she could tell he did not know. She looked at him with questioning eyes, fear showing for the first time. She could face curses and witches and blood thirsty zealots and vampires but she was only afraid when he pulled back. This woman makes no sense he thought, and I thank the gods for that!

He smiled at her then. They were still joined and he didn’t ever want to leave, but she was not safe here in the witches lair. Gently, he lifted her up, and slid out of her, placing a soft kiss on her forehead, he reached for her clothes, handing them to her. He smelled the salt of her tears and felt the fear she was feeling in the tie they shared, but there was no time now. Dawn was coming soon, glancing around he saw that the doors were now visible. Tucking himself back into his jeans he stood and picked her up. Moving at vamp speed he burst through the nearest door and took to the sky headed for Fangtasia.

He took her inside and down into the basement where he placed her gently on the bed he kept in his room there for emergencies like this one. He looked at her intently for a moment but still did not speak, nor did she. He could feel her anxiety growing as the silence went on but truly he did not know what to say.

In all his days and nights he had never found himself in a situation like this. He still had to deal with the witch and dawn was nearly upon him. Tomorrow, he told himself. I will know how to handle this tomorrow. He changed clothes and came back to lay on the bed beside her. He wanted to pull her to him, but feared that he would trap her when he died so he stayed on his side and waited for death to take him.

When he awoke the next night she was gone.

Present…

“So, I left him there, Gran. I think he remembered everything. I think the spell broke when we…when we did what we did. She wanted him to hurt me, Gran, but I knew he wouldn’t. I knew that because he had saved me so many times.” She was crying again now, “But she was right, too though. He did hurt me. He hurt me when he got it all back and shut me out. I guess I wasn’t his heart’s desire after all.” She stopped there, wiping her tears again. “I know you would think I did wrong, Gran, and I am sorry for that. I am sorry he acted like he did when he got his memories back, but you know what? I am not even a little bit sorry for doing it. To feel that way, even for a moment was worth even you thinking poorly of me, Gran. To feel like that…it’s something I will cherish…forever. I just have to remember now. I have to remember to keep myself awake, and not live in the dream of what might have been.”

She stood then, brushing the grass from her knees, and drying her face one last time. She had confessed now, and she would live with what she had done, and she would remember what perfect love and perfect trust felt like for the rest of her life. It was worth the price. We live life in moments, she thought turning away to head back home. She had barely taken two steps when she heard him call her name from the shadows.

“Sookie, wait.”

 

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