Love Is All- 5. Finding Love Again
My fantasies had not done him justice. My experience, if you could call it that, left me woefully unprepared for where I found myself. I had thought I had known love before, and perhaps I had, but it was nothing like what had just happened here.
I was a canvas of calm bordered in abject terror at this revelation of self.
It had hurt so fucking bad when Bill left me for Lorena that I didn’t think I could make it. The foundation of that connection and the house that held that pain were so small in comparison to what I was feeling now that it scared me to think how much it would hurt to lose Eric, to lose this.
It had been so easy with Bill, but that was because I let it be easy. I just went with it and never questioned and most importantly I never feared. I had never had my heart broken before and ignorance was bliss. That relationship had schooled me in the ways of loss and pain. I would never love as freely, hopefully or as foolishly as I had with Bill because now I understood the cost of such things.
I could never love for the first time again, but I could love again. I could find the strength to trust Eric, wasn’t that what separated the worthy from the cowards? It wasn’t the love you lost but the love you found yourself able to see and accept next? Truly seeing the cost of things came with appreciating the value of them as well.
At the moment I was filled with appreciation for the Viking curled on my chest, his eyes closed with a look of bliss and peace that made me smile just looking at him.
My fingers were still playing in his hair and I, too felt what I could see plainly on his face. He was…amazing. Tugging at him slightly I got him to lean back so I could slide down next to him in the bed, face to face, pressing every inch of me along his body. I sighed when his arms came around me, and again when mine went over his shoulders to resume playing in his hair at the back of his neck. Watching Eric Northman’s eyes go partially shut in bliss from my fingers in his hair made my body burn for him. When he growled I caught on fire and rubbed my face against his, loving the contact and the sensation of prickly beard on my skin.
It felt like a burn when I pressed my face to his. The sensation matched the rest of me. I was burning for him. I could burn up. That is what it felt like, but rather than pull away, I pushed in again, my leg over his hip, pulling him over on top of me, kissing him like he had just fucked me, possessively, demanding, sweetly savage.
It was exactly what I needed and the complete opposite of what I had thought I wanted, but when you take a man like Eric Northman please and thank you fell on deaf ears. Blood, pain and sacrifice were his poisons of choice and to love him was to partake liberally of those things. I knew that coming in, what I was learning now as I felt him push into my body again, was that these dark elixirs came with chasers of passion, pleasure and gains that could have never imagined.
I had no doubt he would kill for me, nor that he would die for me. I wondered only if I could find it in myself to give to him what a man like this deserved. When he sank into me filling me again, I shook under him, lost in the luxurious sensation of him stretching my body to accommodate him fully.
No, my fantasies had done him no justice, at all. There had been moments with my other lover where I had wanted to stop time and make it last the whole night long. With Eric, I knew that I would never have to stop or slow down or wait, he would be there for me in any and every way I needed him to be.
I arched my back and pulled my legs up and in, resting my ankles on his shoulders. It was a simple way to appreciate him, but one that got his attention as he slid into me again, bottoming out at this new angle. The pleasure and pressure of him like that tripped my first orgasm, my body pressing closer, using the leverage on his shoulders to pull my hips up and take him deeper while I came around him. When he pulled out of me the emptiness left behind ached so sharply that I could only reach for him and breathe his name.
His answer was to bury his face between my thighs, offering his tongue and fingers in place of his hard throbbing cock. I was writhing under his touch when I felt his long fingers slide into me at the same time his fangs went into my femoral artery. My body was dripping with the evidence of my pleasure he pulled from me with every taste and suck of my flesh. When he rose enough to flip me over I lost my fucking mind.
I felt the bed go down as he climbed in and rested on his knees before pulling me back to him, pressing my back to his chest, opening my legs, splaying me out across his lap. I let him first, because I wanted him and second because he had given me what I needed and now this was what he needed from me. I would never hold back from him again, never hesitate. I promised myself and him with my body as I let him position me over his straining cock and then slide me down him like he was putting on a glove.
Arching my back and clamping down on him as hard as I could, grunting with the effort of flexing my inner muscles so tightly, I was rewarded with a hissing, “Fuck, yess!” as he pushed up into me, enjoying the resistance as much as the heat and slickness of body. I felt my eyes roll back in my head as my whole being became completely focused on where we were connected.
I visualized his hard length sliding into me, how I clamped down on him hard and fast every time he tried to get back in and then I changed it up, squeezing him when he pulled back, making it hard for him to leave me. His hands left my hips and came up to my breasts, tugging my nipples and breaking my concentration on milking his cock as my own pleasure shifted back to the forefront. “No,” I hissed out as I felt his mouth come to my neck, fangs nipping. “Wanna make you feel good,” I gasped out as he thrust up hard and perfect.
“You are,” came his answer in my ear, cool breath, fingers tugging my hard nipples, cock pressing deep and hard inside me…I exploded on him and around him, his groan in my ear expressing his own perfect pleasure entangled with mine adding another dimension to my experience.
I would have jittered into a thousand pieces if his arms and body had not been there to hold me together. I felt his wrist come to lips and I tasted his blood, sweet ancient secrets and depths that tripped me up catching me on soft feathery wings that flew through me. I sucked him down as his fangs took my neck. He jerked inside me and I felt the flood of his cool seed release inside me again and again.
Our bond now fully formed flared and then exploded with new emotions and depths. What had been red was now carmine. Grey was split to pure violent contrasts of white and black. I saw then that love was all the colors of the rainbow and all the feelings my heart could conjure and contain.
As he lay me down spooning behind me, large arm over my chest, fingers lacing to mine, I recalled again that once I had known love before this moment and this man. More than anything I was grateful that I had found the strength to open up and know love again, maybe for the first time in the ways that mattered.
We caressed each other and whispered the secret language of lovers. Every touch a conversation, every sensation a revelation. We showered in the magic house that was and wasn’t mine, a dream gift from my dream lover. I ate food from the fridge and cabinets that appeared as wondrously as the structure itself. All the time he talked of what Niall had told him as I slept. I listened questioning here and there, and then we walked hand in hand at human speed back to the cemetery where we had come into this world. Godric was waiting for us, and since Eric also nodded to someone I assumed Niall was there as well.
“I am glad you found your courage,” Godric told me. The smug look on his face tripped my contrary button.
“Love will keep us together,” I sing songed to him.
“That’s what you were humming,” Eric said suddenly beside me, his smile growing to proportions that threatened to take over for the hazy Fae sun. I whooped in surprise when he picked me up and spun me around, humming the tune now himself. I couldn’t help giggling it was so surreal. Who would have guessed he could be like this?
“Eric!” I said, my arms going around his neck as I let me head fall back and enjoy the sensation of spinning in his arms. I could feel our bond singing, too and imagined a tiny Eric at a baby grand piano playing the tune smiling the same smile as the one who had me in his arms. It was the happiest I could remember feeling in a very long time. Slowly, he set me down and then he kissed me, cupping my face with his hands.
I felt the joy calm down and when he opened his eyes he was serious again. “Sookie, Niall says that we have to go the palace now and see Mab.” I heard it, and I knew it but was distant until that moment, held at bay by the wonder of this new connection and feeling between us.
We had no plan, little hope and only each other to take into this new battle. Looking into his hopeful soulful blue eyes and feeling him next to me I had never felt more prepared for the kind of crazy shit that made up my existence. Together we would figure it out. Together we would do what had to be done. Together we would do the best we could.
I took a deep breath and nodded turning to Godric. “To the palace?”
“Through the portal,” he said gesturing to pool I had seen in my dream. Right. Of course. I turned back to Eric.
“Don’t you let go,” I said squeezing his hand tightly.
“Never!” he said and I believed him completely. “Before we go Niall says that you should drink from the pool.” I frowned remembering the last time I was here. The pools magic was supposed to buffer and strengthen my light. I nodded and took a step closer.
“Eric should drink, too” Godric said beside me.
“Why? Won’t it hurt him?”
“No, he will be fine.” I told Eric, seeing his eyebrow come up. He moved immediately to the pool and knelt down cupping his hands, coming up with a large drink. As I watched him I was shaken by his complete faith in me and his Maker. No doubt, no hesitation.
Shaking myself I knelt beside him and watched as he swallowed it down. His expression was priceless. I knew then that even though he had not hesitated in action, he had been unsure what would happen when he did this thing. I was awed that he had done it anyway.
Perhaps one day I would find that kind of grace inside myself. His whole body shook and his face was filled with wonder as the water worked its way through him. I saw him light up from the inside, offering some balance to the dark that had filled him for a thousand years. It didn’t change his vampire nature, but rather enhanced it, showing him like a diamond in the sun catching and reflecting the light. I was humbled by his beauty and soothed by the dulcet tones that I felt in our bond.
After a moment his hands went back and came up with more for me. I drank it, my eyes on his and as I felt the power seep into my bones as it had before. This time it found his blood in me, circling it first and then bonding to it as I had to him. The feelings in the bond sang louder and he purred next to me captivated, as was I.
He stood slowly, and took my hand. Together we stepped to the edge and jumped in as one. Down we fell, tingling all over as we moved faster and faster stopping suddenly. I wobbled a bit but his arms steadied me. Looking around we were outside of a tall stone palace, the sun less hazy now and more sharp, giving everything almost a blue afterglow around us. Before I could say anything we heard the running of feet and shouts of intruders at the palace. They surrounded us, ethereal beautiful shining creatures in clothing like ours, some in armor that glared in the sun. I felt Eric stiffen beside me and his fangs came down. In the bond I felt his intense hunger and desire.
Looking at him I saw his expression was dreamy, his hands flexing into claws, his arousal hard and standing at the thought about eating and fucking his way through them all. For a second I lost myself in his dark swirling desire, my body responding to his need and readying itself to answer his call. He turned to me, darkest desire on his face and I cursed the part of mind that screamed for control in this battle for his soul. I wanted so much to disregard it entirely and mount him right there howling as he fucked me until I was torn to shreds.
Shaking my head I reached out into bond and pulled it hard. His body jerked next to me, his eyes regaining focus. I stepped into him and grabbed his hair pulling him down to my lips kissing him, claiming him before our enemies and the world. “You are MINE! No other!” I told him through clenched teeth burning him with my fiery gaze. I felt him melt inside, sliding into me psychically like warm honey. He kissed me then, reassuring me that no one mattered to him as much as I did and I let him do that because we both needed it. Everyone else could just hold their horses and wait.
When I felt him calm I stepped back and turned to face them as they whispered in hushed frightened tones about how another vampire had breached their sacred realm. I could see the fear in their eyes, but there was more than that. There was also curiosity and desire as they looked at Eric. Male, female, it didn’t matter, if they got the chance they had designs on how to take advantage of having something as beautiful as the Viking in the presence. Inside I sighed and then I felt a different kind of rage rise inside me.
Stepping in front of him and acting completely on instinct my hands lit up and I snarled at them. “BACK OFF! HE IS MINE!” I blame Eric’s influence for what happened next, because when one of the females came forward to challenge my claim I shot her square in the chest with all my inner female aggression and put her down in her ass. I heard him chuckle behind me and felt him swell with pride in our bond. I swatted him back gently, letting him feel my amusement at his reaction.
Nothing like a fairy cat fight to rev his motor. Men, supernatural, regular, whatever, all the same. They get hard seeing women fight over them. Internally I smirked and rolled my eyes. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a male fairy step out, his eyes on me, his own interest hard and on display as he came toward me.
I felt a rush of wind and heard Eric growl as the male fairy flew through the air, landing further away than the female had from where we stood. Squaring his broad shoulders and displaying his long sharp fangs he declared to them all as he stared them down that I was his. My body responded and again I had to fight my desire to climb him. If they kept on challenging us perhaps a demonstration would get our point across in a more visceral way.
I felt his amusement then, and I hugged it to me, sending up a silent prayer of gratefulness for the all the things that had happened to me up to this point. For just a moment I saw it then clearly. Bill, his blood, the savagery that had opened inside me, everything that had happened to me up to this point had to have happened to prepare me for this moment here and now.
Fuming lady like foot stamping run away Sookie would have died here. Her reason and compassion would been seen as weakness, weakness that would have led to our deaths the moment we arrived here. She was not equipped to do what needed to be done.
“Yes, now you see?” I heard Godric in my mind. “All is as it should be. Hold that close for what comes next. Believe in yourself and in Eric and you will win this day and any that follow.”
Just then the crowd around us parted and a regal female fairy stepped forth. They all bowed to her and I caught reverent whispers of “majesty” as she passed them. She looked around at the wounded rising and then turned to me and Eric her face a study in anger and curiosity.
“Who the hell are you?” she asked. I smiled, wishing I had fangs of my own to really drive home how I was feeling in this glorious moment.
“I’m Sookie Stackhouse. Who the fuck are you?”