Love Is All – 4- Love You Tall
“Come back! Stay with me!” She called out in her sleep. Was it Bill that she was dreaming of? The wolf? Pressing down this sharp cutting green emotion I reached out to soothe her first in action, then in word and finally in bond.
“Sookie, you’re dreaming. It’s all right.” When she climbed on top of me and caged me in with her entire body the cutting inside me stopped, replaced by contentment. Utter contentment.
When she told me that nothing was wrong now I felt all the bones leave my body, except for one. That one was reminding me that we needed to finish bonding. When her head came up and she stared into my eyes, hers so full of emotion and things left unsaid, I blurted out that I had met her great, great, great, great grandfather’s ghost while she was sleeping.
Her face scrunched in concentration, I could see her mind leaping tracks and I regretted derailing her before she could say what had been on her mind. Was I that afraid of why being in my arms made everything ok even if in her dreams she called to Compton or Hervaux?
She glanced around the room, no doubt looking for her grandfather, or maybe Godric. We had been alone for a while now, at least as far as I could tell. Niall had spoken for over an hour about Lilith and events to come before retreating to give me time to think. He said he was keeping watch nearby and would let us know if any danger came near before we left. I suspected the Godric was somewhere also on lookout but had no confirmation of that either way. I was keeping my guard up. I trusted no one to keep us safe above myself.
How did I tell her what was coming? Would she still think everything was all right once she knew? I had promised to be honest and I had no intention of being otherwise. I had just blurted out the trigger question that would lead us down that path, but there were some other things that needed to happen first.
We needed to finish what we had started. Niall felt like it was THE most important thing that needed to happen next no matter how long it took. He didn’t say but he seemed to think that everything we might accomplish hung in the balance of our completing the bond and reaching a mutual understanding. I was torn and angry that something so intimately personal to me was being weighted with so many other agendas.
This should be happening because we both wanted it to, and for no other reason. Pain and regret pulsed through me and into the bond causing her eyes to moisten as she felt it. Did she think it was for her, for this? How could I make her understand that while this isn’t the way I wanted it to be exactly I still wanted this very much?
“Your dreams,” I said quietly, bringing a hand up to her face, “They were unsettling? You were feeling many things as you rested.”
“I was dreaming about you. About the bond. About us.” I waited to see if she had more to say. “I was learning that I can’t run away from what scares me about those things.”
“What scares you?” I tried hard to hold my own fear back from her as I waited. It was not easy to have someone with a direct pipeline into all the things you wanted to conceal. For the first time I got a glimpse of how things were for her all the time.
“That I can’t stay with you forever and that I might get you killed.” I tried to understand what she was saying but honestly it didn’t make any sense to me. She must have seen it on my face because she took a deep shaky breath and tried to explain.
“You’re gonna live forever. It wasn’t something I had thought about until Hugo brought it up in Dallas, and then I felt so stupid for not seeing it before. Human vampire relationships, they’re…they have an expiration date on them from the start.”
“Don’t all relationships? If you were with a mortal would you and he not die at some point? Is that not the way of all things?”
“I suppose but I will get old and you will always be…you.”
“And what do you know of me being me?” My tone was harsh, but if nothing else by now I thought that she had seen enough to know that she has seen nothing, nothing of the real me. At least, not until we bonded. Then I had jacked myself open to her.
“I..I…” she stammered. I nodded.
“Exactly. You don’t know because I haven’t let you know, but you could know now if you weren’t so busy trying not to know.” I waited to see if she had a reply for that. She remained quiet, perhaps she actually was listening. I pressed on, “And as for getting me killed, that last shitty plan? All mine, remember? I have lived a long time and I am full of shitty plans just like that. Perhaps if you can stand at my side you can save me from them all?” She snorted, a smile slowly spreading over her face as she looked into my eyes.
“I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you because of me, Eric.”
“And I can’t bear the thought of putting out the light I see in you, Sookie.” She took a deep breath and then buried her face in my chest.
“So, what do we do?” she mumbled into my pecs.
“The best we can, always just that. Nothing more and nothing less. I will never betray you if you have the strength to give me the chance to prove it to you, in time you will see and feel what I already know.” She pulled her head and looked at me again.
“And what’s that?”
“That whatever this is between us is important. It’s real. It can be everything we ever thought we wanted, or needed. We can be everything we ever thought we might be or wanted to be to ourselves and each other.”
“That’s a lot,” she said her face showing that she had some magnitude of the words I was speaking. “That is A LOT!” she said again.
“Yes, it is.”
“You said you wanted to bond with me, so does that mean that if we weren’t here you would trying to make that happen back home?”
“Yes, probably as badly as I did that night on your porch, with all the wrong words and gestures, but yes I would still be trying to make you mine. I was just lucky that fate decided to cut me a break.”
“We’re stuck in Fae, facing I don’t even know what yet, and you think you got a break?” Her eyebrows were up indicating her skepticism of my declaration. “How the hell does that work?”
“Because I am here with you, Sookie Stackhouse.” She closed her eyes and shook her head slightly, a smile growing on her lips.
“That’s just crazy!” That hurt, and she must have felt me pull back in our bond. I had been opening up to her, to show her, to reassure her and she thought I was crazy. Fuck it, maybe she was right. If she didn’t want to meet me half way and try and believe me then she was probably right. I started to move her off me so that I could get away. She clung to me tighter.
“Stop! I’m sorry, just wait a minute, OK?” I nodded sharply but didn’t speak. I didn’t trust myself not to say something that would make it worse between us. I could see her struggling to speak but I had no sympathy for her. The sting of her dismissal was too fresh. Finally, she found some words.
“When I woke up at Fangtasia and Pam told me you were burning in the sun my first thought was that I couldn’t let that happen! I had to get to you, had to bring you back inside, had to…I couldn’t even think about facing whatever crazy fucking thing was coming at me next without you to…be there! I would have done…anything…everything to save you!” She took a breath then, trying so hard to speak the words that were pressing her to get out.
“I had to know why you kissed me, why it was so important to you. Why you put me in the basement like a dog after you rocked my whole fucking world with that kiss? Why you looked at me like your heart was breaking when you touched my face. Why, Eric? WHY?
“If you had burned up I would never have known and that, none of that was…acceptable and that was…confusing as hell. I have lost so much, but it wasn’t that I couldn’t lose anything else. It was that I couldn’t lose YOU, AND DON’T KNOW WHY!”
“Liar.” I sounded cold even to myself, and when her gaze locked with mine I felt her rage in the bond at me calling her bluff, so I did it again. “You are a coward, and unworthy of me and my bond if you insist on this self-delusion. You know the truth and you can play games from now until you take your last breath, but it won’t change that you know it.
“Your lies will burn you to a cinder, Sookie. Your regret will choke you until you shuffle off your mortal coil. You will want me and what we have forever even if you throw it away with both hands. You will long for this chance and all you have to do right now is stop fucking lying to me and yourself and take it. I’m right here. There is no other place I would rather be. I’m right here, little coward. Where the fuck are you?”
“You make me feel trapped.”
“What you see as a trap I see as a gift.” She sniffled then, swiping her face. I wanted to tell her that tears would change nothing, but there was nothing left for me to say. I knew I was right and she knew it, too. She closed her eyes then, shutting me out and I felt my anger deflate in the face of her rejection.
We were done here.
Then I felt something I never expected. It was her reaching out to me in the bond between us. She reached out with her full being and embraced it. It felt like she was kissing my very soul with such tenderness that I felt my own eyes well up at this incredible experience. I gasped for air that I did not need. She pushed herself at me through our connection showing me the truth that I had called her bluff on just moments before.
This woman was totally and completely in love with me. Everything about me was perfect to her.
I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling of pure ecstasy as she moved deeper into me, cracking my mind, burrowing, seeking, burning, and needing. I made myself open wider for her, letting her have it all. I dived in with her and started swimming for the heart of her. We met in the magical psychic threads between us and I felt her pass through me. A breeze. A storm full of thunder and cool tenderness that burns. It was the touch of the Divine laying waste to me.
My arrogance crumbled. I had known nothing before this moment. Nothing about anything, least of all her. I had thought her beautiful but I had never seen her before. She was blinding, and she was giving herself to me in ways that were new and mystical. When I felt her lips touch mine I clutched at her like life raft and rolled us over to cover her body with mine, seeking now to contain this feeling, to get a breath as everything came into me and everything went out at the same time.
I’m going to give you my heart, Eric. I heard her in my mind so enthralled that wondering how didn’t even occur to me. I’m going to love you tall until the world ends. When the stars burn out I will still be yours.
And I will be yours, I told her wordlessly, large thoughts echoing in the cathedral of us falling like prophecy in blood and bone feeding a love that would make even Death bow on its knees.
I had dreamed of hearing her tell me that she knew my secrets and smelled my memories, that she could see the truths of me. The dreams were nothing compared to the reality of having her turn the pages of me with her mind, hands and body. When we joined our bodies together she swallowed my screams as my fangs came down and I fought to get deeper, be closer.
I held onto her and let go of myself, buried inside her moving hard and slow feeling the beats of our heart in her chest as her body welcomed me over and over. I felt her tear my flesh, a gaping wound that she covered with her mouth healing me, moaning as she drank me down deep into her. I joined her drinking, too. The bond grow stronger. I was dying and being reborn at the same time.
I knew what it felt like to die. I had done it once already. This time I welcomed it, believing she would pull me back and keep me safe.
My fingers laced with hers as she wrapped her body around mine, moving on me as I moved in her. I gave my primal sounds to her like I had given her everything else, fucking her deep and fast as I came so hard that my whole body and every muscle locked. While I was frozen emptying into her over and over she screamed my name like scripture, making me swell and fill her when her orgasm gripped me like vise.
I felt her then again in the bond that was now bigger and stronger. She was humming something, the feel of her fingers running through my hair so pleasurable that it extended my post orgasmic bliss. I felt her kiss the bond again, gently, lovingly. I folded myself around her, sheltering, protecting and loving her with everything that was in me.
A/N Love You Tall is a line from Dave Matthews When The World Ends, great song to bond to, in case you ever need one 😉