Summertime Sadness*Complete*

 

 

A/N- Sookie Stackhouse-Southern Vampire Murder Mystery Fanfiction  All rights are owned by CH and this was a labor of love not profit. Special thanks to Lana Del Rey for her musical inspiration, again not for profit, only for love.

This story is set post HEA, Sookie stops listening to everyone else and starts listening to herself, finally getting it right. Originally a one shot, now part of a Trilogy.

Rated M for language.

 

Summertime Sadness

 

Magic is something that comes from within. It’s completely unique to the individual who wields it. How you access it, how you focus it, how you use it, no two are the same. If Hollywood has saved us by opening our eyes to the possibility they have damned us by showing us how it works, leaving the impression if you don’t have a wand or a school or an apocalypse to avoid there is no magic. They show us books that contain the secrets of the greatest wielders and expect us to learn their magic.

We might as well try and alter our DNA to replicate theirs.

The true path to magic is through the self, the embracing of the gifts inside you. Combine that with a drive to be more than you, to see behind the curtain and know truths concealed and you are on your way.

Lose the love of your life and you are a bullet ready to leave the chamber. You just need a target.

Sookie had hers, and in the five years since she had lost Eric she had journeyed through herself, peaks and valleys, lights and darkness. Know thyself, Niall had said to her. Above all things, know thyself.

She had seen her immaturity, her stubbornness, her fear and anger in the deepest darkest valleys. She had seen how her Gran’s influence, while well intended had been unfair and wrong. She had lectured Sookie on what ladies do and don’t do, knowing the whole time that she had loved Fintan and bore his children. She planted the notion that being “a kept woman” was something to be ashamed of, and Sookie had taken those words to heart. Never realizing that there seemed to be exceptions when the heart came into play. When what you wanted above all things was within your grasp there were exceptions and she should have made one.

Accepting that she lost him because of her own lack of maturity and because she chose to live her life by other people’s standards rather than what her soul told her to do had torn her apart.

From destruction comes the opportunity to rebuild, Niall had told her. So, she picked herself up and rose from the valley of darkness in her. She climbed her mountains and accepted that the people in her life, while important to her, were not as important as what her love had inspired her to be. They held her back. He had set her free.

You’re beautiful, he told her.

You’re brilliant, he had told her.

You are strong and loyal and brave, he had told her.

You’re my wife, he had told her.

And now, free of other people’s viewpoints she saw that he was her husband in the only way that mattered to her. He was the sun bright at the top of her mountains and she knew that it was him shining down on her, even now, always. The irony made her smile. A vampire as the sun, but he was, and no rules would change that. In embracing that fact, she embraced him, and she found herself.

Love thyself, Niall had told her.

That was harder. She was so used to what others thought of her, crazy, retarded, just a piece of meat with a nice rack. There, her sun saved her again. He had loved her, accepted her, worshiped her, and he had risked everything to be with her. Clouds covered her sun when she remembered how she had responded, pushing him away, calling him names, unable to see that her childish desires for a “boyfriend” marred the husband who gave her his blood and soul. That for a creature a thousand years old with eternity in front of him that speaking to her every night seemed unreasonable and ridiculous. There was time for all things with him. No rush, no hurry.

Hypocrite that she was, that she allowed herself to be, she reveled in that when he was with her. Their hours entwined seeking release and pleasure like they had all the time in the world. It was ok then that he was in no rush, no hurry.

Do you always run away from your troubles? he had asked her.

She saw now that the answer was yes, and she hated herself for it. She needed to be better than that. If she expected more from him, why should she expect any less from herself?

Hypocrite! She screamed herself, wanting to punish herself for losing him.

No, the sun whispered down to her. You are beautiful and brilliant! A little slow, she saw him smirk that trademark smirk, imagined love in his eyes, but still brilliant, my Sookie.

YES! She screamed from the mountain top. I AM YOUR SOOKIE! ALWAYS! I AM YOURS! Her screams echoing through the valleys of her soul, telling the old ghosts it was time to get the fuck out, their time was over. It was his time now, as it should have been all along. She dived from the top of herself and took flight.

When do you feel most powerful? Niall had asked her, and like that she had known. When she was dancing.

Dancing freed her soul and made her feel the most powerful she ever felt, so she danced. After her shifts at Merlotte’s she came home and danced. At first inside the safety of her home, room to room, on the stairs, Lana Del Rey rattling the windows as she surrendered to herself and her memories of him. It was always the same song, an endless loop, the familiarity turning to white noise as her body moved and her mind soared free. As soon as her tired muscles warmed up she was unstoppable, sometimes dancing all through the night as she lived and relived their greatest hits, their most passionate moments. Each expression, each word examined for hours, frozen and seen with new and wiser eyes.

One night, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and recognized what she had been feeling. Power! It radiated through her, all around her. She glowed!

It was then that she moved outside to dance in the fields, the music with her on headphones. She was fearless. She welcomed them then, de Castro, Bill, the water fairies, Freyda she would take them all on and win! They couldn’t touch her now. Never again. Light shot out of her hands, slicing through the darkness like a sword as her power grew, as she learned how to use it. As she learned the truth of Sookie Stackhouse.

You are a warrior, he had told her. She hadn’t felt it then, but she did now and she embraced it in deference to her husband. Not present but never gone, Eric danced with her every night as she grew stronger, faster, better than she had been when she had had everything and couldn’t see, couldn’t feel it. When she had been a fool to let anything ever keep her from his side.

NOW! Now, she whispered back in her mind, now I am a warrior, Beloved and I will not leave you there. You will have choice!

Your only limitations are the ones you allow other to set on you, and the ones you set on yourself, Niall had said to her.

Embracing her love for Eric, she danced on and her power grew. As she danced she thought of where they could go, if he chose to be with her now. Where could they be free of everything that had kept them apart? She could conquer her own demons and keep them at bay, but there were others that needed to be handled as well. Individuals with their own agenda’s in this world, what of them? Sookie felt her power surge and saw a golden door appear before her. When she approached and opened it, she saw a new world.

The sun was bright, and the ocean waves were strong. She stepped through, fearless now still. This was her world, and there was nothing to fear. She looked to the sky and willed the moon to rise. It came at her call. She pictured the house she wanted with Eric and it was there just off the beach. They could come here. Not to escape, never that. She would never run from her problems again, but they could choose a life here. She could offer him that. What else? Her beloved deserved options just has he had offered to her.

She thought of him then, a slave to the Queen of Oklahoma and knew that vengeance should also be on the menu. Closing her eyes she summoned a fae sword and began her dance again in the moonlight of their beach. These were new steps, but the music continued and her power grew. Vanquishing enemies on the beach she moved like the moonlight itself imagining herself protecting him, Freyda with a stake to his heart, she leaped and teleported for the first time in mid-leap, landing where she had seen them in her mind, her sword slicing off Freyda’s head for daring to touch him. She knew then the bloodlust that Eric had spoken to her about. It mixed with her power and she exploded into a blinding light rising to the sky of this new world seeking the stars.

When you feel absolute peace with your power you will know are ready, Niall had told her.

“I’m ready, baby,” she whispered to the dark sky, flying toward the golden door that appeared before her. “I’m coming for you, Eric!”

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Eric prepared himself mentally for another night of court at Freyda’s side. His existence had become a series of preparations. He prepared for court. He prepared to bed his Queen. He prepared to keep his mask in place and not let his contempt for his entire existence bleed through. He was still among enemies in Oklahoma, and knew that to let his guard down, to let his real feelings show would be the end of him. Outnumbered and alone, he prepared.

To say that Eric was in despair would not be quite accurate, but he was certainly as close a vampire could come without taking up residence there. He missed his Children and he missed Sookie, but even these thoughts he was not allowed to have for very long. The Queen had forced him to ingest her blood, and so she could feel his every emotion at all time. He never thought he would thank Appius for the centuries of torture and abuse but now he felt some gratitude for that training in how to hide himself, from himself even. He kept it all squashed down until he found the appropriate outlets. He needed to think of Sookie, her welfare, her safety and more than that his love for her. His love for her needed to be protected more fiercely than anything else.

In the hours that he was forced to service Freyda with his body, he let his mind open to his love for his true wife. Through their blood bond Freyda mistakenly took it that he felt those things for her and she reveled in the power she believed she had over the ancient Viking. It worked on many levels. She felt secure in their marriage and had no idea he plotted her death at every turn. Her feeling of security protected Sookie as well. There was no threat if she no longer held Eric’s heart.

Oh, but she did though. He was really angry with Sookie, but it didn’t change the fact that she was the only woman he had ever loved…still loved. The trespasses committed each night on his person did not matter. He had learned from repeated nights of being raped by Appius that the physical body did not have to be connected to the mind or the soul. It was a lesson so well learned in servitude to his Maker that Sookie showing him that they could be connected had been a revelation. A mind numbing freeing revelation. One that he had to forget while he served out his agreed upon two centuries of servitude to a woman that held no candle to his wife, to any he had ever met.

Pushing these thoughts away forcefully, while remaining calm, he silently thanked Appius and his monstrous ways again. He still had to prepare.

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Eric heard strains of music before he even left his chamber, and they grew louder as he approached Freyda’s throne room.

I got my red dress on tonight

Dancing in the dark in the pale moonlight

Done my hair up real big beauty queen style

High heels off I’m feeling alive

Oh my God, I feel it in the air

Telephone wires above are sizzling like a snare

Honey I’m on fire I feel it everywhere

Nothing scares me anymore…

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MUSIC?” Freyda screamed out over the rising beat as Eric entered the room. “TURN IT OFF, NOW! YOUR QUEEN COMMANDS IT!” Eric suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at Freyda’s empty commands and listened to the Lana Del Rey remix continue to vibrate the room. Apparently there was a malfunction with the sound system in the throne room. Freyda was mad as hell but Eric found himself wanting to move to the beat. He forced himself to stay still though, not wanting to risk her her ire turning on him. He glanced around the room and saw a glimpse of red moving in and out of the crowd that had gathered for court. A glimpse of red and blonde hair. His undead heart rolled over, seizing up, even as he told himself not to be foolish.

Sookie had been banned from Oklahoma on pain of death. He was obviously losing control.

The song started again and Freyda’s screams were drowned out as the volume increased.

I got my red dress on tonight…

And at that moment Sookie stepped out of the crowd and came toward him, smile on her face, gods I have missed her, he thought right before he completely lost his composure. From the corner of his eye he saw Freyda’s head flip toward him. Sookie was right in front of him now and he was looking down at her frozen. He knew he needed to get her out of here before she was killed.

“What the fuck, Eric?” Freyda screamed at him. “I can feel something in the bond, what is going on? WILL SOMEONE SHUT OFF THAT FUCKING MUSIC NOW?” Eric looked back to Sookie realizing that no one but him knew she was there. She smiled again and extended a hand to him.

“I need to talk to you, Eric. Will you indulge me?” Her voice caressed him and he felt whole again for the first time in five years. He nodded and took her hand. He disappeared just as Freyda looked back from yelling at her minions. The last sound he heard was Del Rey repeating, “I’ve got that summertime sadness” over and over while Freyda screamed his name. Touching Sookie made all that cease to matter.

He was home.

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Eric found himself on a moonlit beach, Sookie’s hand still in his. He looked around allowing his senses to seek any danger. He knew it was just a matter of time before Freyda followed their blood tie. He looked back down when he felt Sookie fall to her knees in the sand, still holding his hand. He started to lean toward her, concerned that she had been hurt and he had missed it.

“I’m fine, Eric,” she smiled up at him. “I want to tell you some things, and I think you’re going to be surprised.” He stood again, and looked down at her, on edge, wondering what could surprise him more than her appearance and her abduction of him from the Queen of Oklahoma’s court. “I’m sorry.” His eyebrow went up, yes indeed, there could still be more surprises. “I’m sorry I was a fool. I’m sorry I didn’t have faith in you and in us. I’m sorry I let you get away with not talking to me about what was going on. I’m sorry that when you did finally tell me I reacted like a frightened spoiled child. I’m sorry it took me five years to tell you this.” Now both Eric’s eyebrows were at his hairline and it seemed that she still had more to say.

“But,” she took a ragged breath, almost a sob as she continued, “I never stopped loving you. I tried and realized that it was a lost cause because you are a part of me. So, I embraced it, and I learned to listen to the words you said me, when you could still say words to me…when you were still mine. I embraced that love, and in it I found out who I am.” She paused and Eric feeling like he was about to fall over a cliff, couldn’t help but prompt her.

“And who are you, Sookie Stackhouse?” his tone told her that he was afraid of her answer. She smiled to reassure him, taking another deep breath, tears now trailing down her cheeks.

“I am not Sookie Stackhouse. I am Sookie Northman. Even if you don’t want me anymore, I will always be Sookie Northman. Even if I never see you again, even if I have fucked all this up beyond repair I will be Sookie Northman and I will do you proud while I carry that name!” Her voice was fierce now, her passion showing through and sweeping Eric away. “I…I hope though, that it’s not too late for us, Eric. I hope that you might be willing to give us another chance. A chance to do things better, to do things right.” She stopped then, taking another deep breath. “D-Do you still love me, Eric?”

She looked up at him now, waiting for him to speak, fear and hope warring in her eyes. In the breadth of second he thought of all the pain and joy this woman had brought him since they had met. The wars they had fought side by side, between themselves, inside the themselves and he knew that you can’t have the joy without the pain. He knew that he had learned in the last five years that he didn’t’ want another five without her. There was no reason. He knew then that he had been planning some way to get her alone like this, to ask her, to beg her to wait for him to let Pam or Karen turn her so that when this two hundred years of bullshit ended she would be there and there could be just them again. All in the space of second as hope and fear warred in her eyes.

The odds were against them, though. She would die and he would follow. Good, he heard himself answer, that is how it was meant to be, together no matter what. He pulled her to rise.

“Sookie Northman does not kneel. EVER.” He looked deep into her eyes and a ghost of a smile formed on her lips.

“She kneels for her husband…” she started moving closer, ” her lover….” closer still, ” her Beloved.” Eric closed the distance and kissed her with five years of pent of up emotion, holding her like he was still afraid she was a dream. When he pulled back she was breathless and starry eyed. “Do you love me, Eric?” her breathless plea filled his ears.

“Every night since the first night I saw you, wife.” He kissed her again now, unable to stop seeking the comfort of her touch and her kiss. Finally, forcing himself back he looked around them again. “We should go, Sookie. Freyda made me take her blood. She can track us.” His hands were cupping her face and she brought hers up to rest over his.

“Not here she can’t.”

“Where are we? There is no place in the world she can’t follow the tie.”

“We aren’t in that world anymore. This is our place for as long as we want it.” Eric’s eyes looked around amazed. “I have much to tell you and we have some choices to make about what happens next. There is one thing I can promise you though, and you won’t change my mind about it. No make that three things I can promise you.”

“What’s that?” he asked his thumb wiping the wet streak from her cheek.

“First, I want to bond with you again, now, if you will have me.” His smile was her answer. “Second, I want to be with you forever, whatever that means.” His smile grew wider still. He kissed her again, imagining all of eternity to love her at their feet.

“And last?” he questioned when he finally freed her lips.

“I’m going to kill the Queen of Oklahoma.” he laughed then pulling her to his chest.

“Not if I beat you to it,” he whispered into the top of her head as his hands roamed her body seeking to re-familiarize himself with its topography.

“Oh, no, that bitch is mine. Sookie Northman has reputation to maintain, you know?” He laughed softly, for the first time in five years. It felt almost as good as having her in his arms again.

“So,” he said, taking a step back to look at her. “‘You got your red dress on tonight.'” She smiled again playing along.

“Yes, and ‘I got my bad baby by my heavenly side.'”

“Oh, hell yes you do, and ‘if you go you’ll die happy tonight.””

“Promise?”

“With everything I am, Sookie Northman. With everything I will ever be. I promise.”

The rest was kisses, love and a dash of vengeance.

(Kiss me hard before you go, summertime sadness, I just wanted you to know that baby you’re the best…)

Lana Del Rey & Cedric Gervais

Summertime Sadness Remix